Worst Job: High School Janitor

Ah those days were a blast, weren't they? Well..No. Partially because I never went, but also because it was so miserable. They never taught us anything useful, the only thing I was good at was the spelling bee and algebra. But we did have our fun, which became the only incentive for showing up after the 9th grade. In between skipping class and running into the woods, we had our random acts of vandalism while in the building. Anyways, I might update this post if I remember anything else, but here's what we got so far..

1. Peanut Chews Under The Desk

You know the old "Gum under the desk" routine, this just kicks it up a notch; And it's both more damaging and far more disgusting. You get those really nasty mary-janes or the Goetz' peanut chews (Charleston Chew didn't do the job as efficiently), pass em around and chew em for about 5 minutes. After that we just pulled the whole gob out of our mouths and slapped it under the desk, from there the sugar picked up the slack. Imagine being a janitor back then, having to chisel all the peanut clusters from underneath the desks. I swear it smelled like old spit and looked like a huge collection of snot. Some days we got to alternate our seats and that just led to more peanut attacks from myself and other fellow vandals. Pretty fun to do, not so fun to stick your leg under your desk and find a whole harvest of 6 or 7 just waiting to find a victim.

2. Taking Dumps On The Floor

I know it sounds nasty, and it was. Some nitwits think taking a dump in the urinal is great, but imagine walking into the stall and finding one (or several) that just magically missed the toilet and ended up on the tile floor. Heaven forbid you should slip in it, but get this: One time I had just gotten done making a delivery and not a minute later one of the hall monitors (as useless as they were) came walking in and noticed it. Complained to me and I could obviously care less, being that I was the culprit only made it more funny.
Some of the other kids took it one step further and used the walls for everything from wiping their ass and sticking the toilet paper up there all the way up to smearing "Fuck You (principals name here)!" in shit all over said wall.

3. Littering Porno

Sounds silly, but even back in our day we could get a whole loot of porno and rip em out page by page and just leave em lying around. Whether in class, in the already-victimized bathroom, or even at the library; we just thought porno was a great addition to any educational environment.

4. Stinky Concoction

My friend got this idea that we could take something incredibly nasty that took several months to create and make an awful mess. So we all went shopping with what change stolen from our parents and bought pretty much anything that will turn rancid sitting in a jar for a few months. Don't ask what we made because it's a blur to me now, but it sat around for nearly six months in a thermos (Hey dad if you're reading this: That's where your thermos went). My buddy was the one to dump it out in the school, again it went all over the bathroom..On the floors, the toilets, even the ceiling probably caught some of it. The smell was so bad though, the entire hallway just reeked of something best described as the ass of a fat man that hadn't been washed for a year.

Disclaimer: This is a reminiscing post, NOT ideas for what you or anyone should do. This was over 10 years ago and I'm sure there are worse ideas floating around on the internet. In other words: Don't take this as anything other than a joke.