Human Pile of Trash #8,943,345,311,941,583

OffendedBlogger received and passed onto me a rather humorous and enlightening piece of spam even I haven't gotten yet from a wonderful man in the land down south of New Zealand with a promising and hopeful proposition to ensure everyone is a millionaire by next month. All OB has to do is insert AdSense code onto their site, sit back and wait, then rake in the dough. Sounds easy and a no-brainer, eh? Well..No. But here, check it out:

From: davidtookit@gmail.com (David Coates???)
Subject: OffendedBlogger.com - You have a fan in New Zealand.
To: xxxx@xxxxxx.com

Hi, (Hey, he has manners, how about that? Maybe he did go to school after all.)

"I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now (from the land of New Zealand, you are starting to build a worldwide fan base). Not to pry but I just couldn't help noticing that you don't have any ads. Knowing how hard it is to establish any size of a fan base as a blogger and to have that traffic just go unattended to, seems such a waste.:

(Guess not. He's still in his talk-em-up phase of the scam. Guys even do this in real life too. Yeah, I can see that you obviously know how hard it is, and you must know that this person has such a huge worldwide fanbase because you do lots of demographic research. Actually it's more like boosting ego so they think you're one of the good guys. I didn't read your wonderful professional site but I'm sure I've seen better work by people who write pornography books about catholic nuns getting it on with their priests and using crosses in a foul way. Such a waste, as you put it. Anyway, continue.)

"I can understand that maybe you want to focus on the blogging which is sensible, rather than get caught up in the advertising game to wind up with five cents (or a nickel, I believe) is understandable. Alienating your audience as well with the ads could be understand as well. Topped off with minimum payout checks usually around $50, at a nickel a year ("tincy-wincy" exaggeration of how crap the payout is), it'll take a millennium to get that hard earned check. With all that in mind, not running ads on a "smallish" blog is understandable."

(From what I understand, a nickel a year is worth having fans and getting paid, or is it the opposite, is that what I'm reading and trying to avoid spitting my soda all over the screen? That's probably why OB doesn't do it, if they wanted to they wouldn't need help from a dingo-fister like you. You still haven't made your point, all you've said is that running ads on a big site loses traffic and ads on a small site will take you a 'millenium' to get a hard-earned check. Sounds to me though that your idea of a hard-earned check is getting your dick out of your hand and landing a fucking job that doesn't involve asking strangers for favors.)

"The crunchy hard hitting part of the email. I was wondering instead if I could run my adsense code on your blog and any of the few nickels that are made will be put towards advertising for your blog or a latte (probably more likely a quarter of one, if that). Why would I do this? I am stuck in the never going to reach the minimum check payout amount situation. By running my adsense code on your blog I could reach or get closer to that check. Of course, it would be only fair that whatever was earned through that stream would go back to you. On the other side of life, the non-materialistic side, your blog is bloody funny (to be blunt) and it would be nice in return for amusing so many, to help drive the traffic your site deserves."

(So now you have a completely different tune. First you say it's not worth it, now you're asking this person to let you profit from their work with their permission that you spammed out of the fucking blue. Pound those few nickels up your ass and hope that you can sneak them into hell and buy yourself out of getting raped. Fuck your lattes, polesmoker. You're giving me a headache, I was hoping to tear you a new one but people like you make me vomit, you're not even worth it anymore.)


Thanks, David Coates (Stfu..)

I might edit this later, people like this really drive my patience out the window so much that I usually just glance through it and say what comes to mind first. That's how much I hate these worms. Thanks again to OffendedBlogger for forwarding this.